Where to begin?
Taking it from the start. Alright, I was born in Arizona then moved and raised in California. There I was raised and became new. What I mean by this is I left all my friends and family when I was about 7 years old to start a new life in California. Very hard at first but this was an opportunity to be anything I wanted and not have my surroundings define me.
After the journey of finding what I liked and didn’t. I made a lot of new friends through Middle School and for the time I was there for High School. Being the new kid, I was trying to please everyone (which I learned now is the wrong thing to do). So, in pleasing everyone (get your mind out of the gutter) I did end up with a whole lot of friends but no true friends (which is the loneliest thing of all). Most of the people in my middle school went to my High School, so when I was a new kid in Middle School trying to make friends that carried over to High School because I was still surrounded by those people. This was making me feel lonely because I didn’t know how to mentally escape that.
I then began to try and find happiness in myself to be my own friend. Most days I would skate by myself or just sit and think. Then towards my sophomore year of High School, I got terrible news that we needed to go back to Arizona (by this time I was getting used to moving).
After another move and I am an expert at moving. I made it to Az, and It’s time to do my thing and go to a new High School. Redefining myself again asking myself what do I like and what don’t I like? I was playing baseball so that was me at that time (something to do) but I knew there had to be more. I was testing and beginning my quest to figure this out.
A Life Worth Living
What is a life worth living? To me right now means a life that one would be excited to have lived after it’s all over and taking it day by day with each new day as its own life. I could not find the words to express this at my age in High School but I could feel it and I needed to figure out what made me excited.
Was it booze? Was it Sex? Was it money?
I am an experimenter and I like taking things to the extreme just to figure something out so that is what I did. I began testing this with working out, how big could I get? I began testing this with my sexual experiences, I began testing this with buying a bunch of clothes. Why was I not filling my void?
What is it?
Getting towards the end of High School and still not filling my void, I kept going through the motions. I needed answers so I dug even deeper. I needed to get to myself again and figure this out. One of the hardest decisions I had to make was to leave my true friends that I went to High School with to figure this out. Why did I? They knew me as being drunk all the time and in my materialistic phase, I needed to redefine who I was because I was not happy with that impression or myself. Slowing I began keeping to myself and finding meaning in my own life.
At this time, it was my second semester of college and I really didn’t know what I was doing there. I began with more questions which lead me to books which led me to a life of learning.
A man of many talents. My brother is a great person who I look up and has helped exponentially along the way of my learning. He has shown me amazing diets he has researched, or workouts, or just anything he finds cool. Most of all he has shown me a path of learning. I love him deeply for what he has done for me and I plan on giving what I have learned back 10 fold to my community and people in need of some information to help along their life journey because I know how helpful my brother has been to me.
Love You, Nick
Life of Learning
Now it is my second semester in college and I am going for my business degree. My brother and I are close so every week or so we would go out to lunch and catch up with each other. One day at lunch I was just talking to him about me going into business and if he had anything helpful. That is when he mentioned the 4 Hour Work Week by Tim Ferriss. I was reading a few books at the time and decided to put this one on my wishlist and read it after a couple of my other ones I wanted to finish. He recently went to Thailand and told me that this book was the pushing point towards the trip. Over the next few weeks, this kept playing in my head so I picked it up.
When Love Strikes
Doing my thing and feeling like I have something to work towards. I was being a loner and just going to college when it came out of nowhere. I met a special someone and at first, I didn’t know what to think of it. I knew I felt something special being around her but I was also finally discovering myself by myself. At the time I was just letting whatever happens, happen. I have never been in love so I didn’t know what it was, I just know it felt right. Being around her with the majority of my time, one thing lead to another and my life was into a different atmosphere. I felt high all the time (in love) and I was on a different level. She made me feel so good and really taught me what love is. For that, I have so much respect.
Who are we?
Even though I was in love that wasn’t going to stop me from learning what I needed to find out. I was selfish in the aspect of taking my learning over everything else (she hated that). But this was my mission to finally find my void of what I was looking for. I was slowly getting rid of my bad habits. At the time it was my buddha phase so I was growing out hair which then dreaded (another test to see if I could do it). I was trying to learn peace but I also had to learn how to make money living in this world as of now (which don’t go together). It was very hard to find the balance of peace and making a living. These long nights and days of thinking how I can be of value to this world led to me not paying attention to the things right in front of my face.
The more I was knowing the more confusing everything was getting. I didn’t know which path to go down. Everyone was specializing in something and I was over here wanting to do it all. In this confusion I still had some bad habits, I was still drinking and hoarding onto material items. I didn’t know why.
Finally, enough was enough. She had walked out and I didn’t know why. She didn’t verbally say it but I felt it and it was my mistake. The day it happened, felt like my world was turned upside down, my soul ripped out and everything I ever known was an illusion (though it still might be, who knows). From on top of the clouds in love to thrown down to the ground, the fall was extremely hard. I was living in ecstasy for so long I did not know how to walk on the ground again.
This was it. I had to find what was wrong with me. Through getting back my sea legs I was turning to escaping myself again with alcohol and sex to fill my void. I didn’t know how to handle what has happened. I began digging even deeper. I have more time now so learning overdrive!!! I began going through books and podcast to find what I was missing.
In reality, it was in front of my face the whole time.
The matter of the fact is I was too comfortable. My parents who I love to death who have given me more than I ever needed. I was living a life of no hardship or of nothing uncomfortable. This is the meaning, this is how we grow. we need hardships, challenges, things to make us feel alive. I was not in that position. To fill that position I was using alcohol, sex, and material items just to feel something. I needed to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
Where to start
Might as well start with what I have the most of (clothes). In the midst of me trying to get uncomfortable, I was ready to begin this journey. I told myself to go on a clothing diet and not buy clothes for a year. Week by week I was tossing out everything (thank you Goodwill) and my letting go muscles were getting stronger. As these muscles began to form and it was taking over everything, this lead to my food choices (getting rid of bad food) this was leading to cleaning out and organizing my computer. All of the things I was hoarding and the mess I have made from trying to fill a void that was right in front of my face needed to be taken care of so I can begin to live.
Over that course of time, I stumbled across Stoicism, thank you, Tim. I could finally breathe now without all this clutter and really use my brain to think for myself. I began to actually start listening to the words spoken by people, books, artist, and making out what a beautiful world this is. After hearing the philosophy everything was coming together. Everything I have strived to learn, all the good parts were connecting the dots and forming one big quest for happiness/excitement. I was noticing all the patterns (now that I don’t have clutter) and forming my own opinions. This was the pushing point to let my voice be heard in the book I wrote and in everything I do now. Finally, my life was to have meaning and to live for something. And that one thing out of all was to be close with Nature.
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